Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My vagina is officially offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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