i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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