I got chris browned last night
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
