Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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