I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
