i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why do cheetos always look like penises
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
