Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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