oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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