What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
