I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
