how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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