Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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