sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
