You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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