Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
