Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
