My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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