it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
