No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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