I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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