you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize