You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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