I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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