It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
