I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
