My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
