i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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