tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
soo... how was my night?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
