talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
