the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
