Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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