I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
