his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
