Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
