where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
