Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
