Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
