What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
