my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
