it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
