he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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