Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
