oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
