she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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