My friends, they love my intelligence
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
