my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
