I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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