making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
