I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
