i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
