you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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