I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
