walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
