Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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