wrigley field is MILF paradise
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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