It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Randomize
