Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
