so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
