VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
