ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
