i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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